Since joining the Personality Integration Rehabilitation Program nearly six years ago, I have come to realize that to heal the soul is a commitment and dedication to not only God but to all of my brothers and sisters worldwide. I was a single mom for four years and a holistic practitioner before coming here. I was very much caught up in the, “I’m ok you’re ok syndrome; I can do it, no I don’t need help, I am strong enough.” This was pride for sure and resistance to God wanting to help me on a deeper level. I am slowly letting my guard down because of the love that is given from the entire community. My son is flourishing, now ten years old. I decided to stay on and become an initiate and then a full member of Global Community Communications Alliance. I married a beautiful man who grew up in the community, and he is a wonderful father to my son. Even though I feel that I am in the roots of my rehabilitation process, I can also see the progress I have taken throughout the years here and am growing in patience, being humbled by the many soul patterns I discover throughout my daily life. At first one might not be able to see these patterns so clearly. The world has a way of helping one put up blinders. Here there is just a very “real” reality, eventually seeing and praying to overcome patterns to be more of service and to be a mandated minister in helping others overcome similar issues. The support here from our elders is of such a great significance that it brings much gratitude within my heart after much contemplation, the ongoing submission that must grow within my healing process. I would like to share some of the soul patterns that I have personally. I am in the process of healing extreme insecurity. This takes on the form of jealousy and competitiveness. This is very much an area where I keep my heart hidden from God, so not to reveal too much and accept love in. It causes this insecurity in God and creates many blocks from developing what we call here, personality integration or actualizing my destiny. In interacting with many people here, always being challenged to become more flexible and loving, creating a variety of conflicts to be overcome, I have a hard time forgiving my past and bring my past into current relationships. I then have a hard time forgiving others but mostly of how I resist forgiving myself. God always wants us to start anew. The lower emotional state of fear overrides my mental state and creates a disconnect from the Three fold Spirit within. In those moments I lose faith and a sense of the big picture, God's eternal plan for His daughter to aspire in spiritual stamina and assurance of herself; to walk my walk, talk my talk, and be sincere and honest with my mistakes. I must reconciliate in order to become spiritually stabilized. Coming from the New Age world, I have taken on the relative understanding of how food is the higher healing modality to depend on. Now understanding deeper, it first starts with the Spirit, the physical is not priority. Moderation is always what God intends, as long as you are able to be more moment to moment within His perfect will. Deprivation of any kind is never a true spiritual discipline. Yes we will all be asked to let go of things that do not serve us—physical substances, patterns, people, and agendas—but God is a very giving God, wanting mostly for us to love and surrender, not wanting to be in control. To give up control is very foreign to this world. I am married now, soon to have another child. Now more than ever I see the importance of letting go of control, allowing God to heal and support my every action in life. We call this living in Divine Pattern. Always wanting to be in control causes co-dependence that harms the higher way of being a true complementary pair unit with my husband. Within this higher reality, cohesiveness with all complements is an absolute, in order to achieve purpose and ascension. In closing I'd like to share that being human we often times choose to not see our greatness correctly, but to become great we must be more real with our areas of being less than perfect. Humbleness is the key ingredient for this. Here in Divine Administration, we strive to become perfect as our Creator Christ Michael Jesus is perfect. I choose to become more perfect every day when I choose to change for the common good of all. Thank you for this opportunity to share. May God guide your progress to eternal heights.
Kirstin is now 39.